Crumbs, Breakfast in Bed The Rules in bed is meant to be the ultimate indulgent treat. A luxury reserved for anniversaries & wedding mornings. However it can also be an utter nightmare. Balancing a small tray loaded with coffee and orange over just white Egyptian cotton, EEK!

So here are a few golden rules if you’re treating a loved one this weekend.

My Mum used to get the dubious pleasure of breakfast in bed every Mother’s Day. A concoction of spilt juice, lukewarm tea and great uneven slabs of lightly charred toast. Feigning delight but no doubt thinking about just what horrors awaited downstairs? Was the kitchen on fire? Rule 1 – clear up.

What to serve? Hopefully having reached the breakfast in bed point you’ll know the recipient fairly well. But just in case you don’t you might want to check they’re not vegetarian before presenting a plated pile of piggy bits. For those awkward mornings, waking up with a vague recollection of the night before & with a stranger lying next to you, might I suggest a fruit plate & a smoked salmon & cream cheese bagel. Minimal effort but impressive enough to warrant a phone number should you want it. Rule 2 – know your audience.

Smoked salmon is the only fish that should make an appearance in the bedroom whether on a bagel or with scrambled eggs. Other fish are just too stinky to consider. Baked beans should be avoided for the same reason. “Thank you for my breakfast, but it’s just racked up a £100 dry cleaning bill.” Rule 3 – Nothing that slips, smells or slides

The best bedroom food can be eaten with fingers or one handed and this needn’t limit you to bacon buns or bowls of cereal. A stack of pancakes with strawberries, maple syrup & vanilla yoghurt can easily be tackled with a fork. Rule 4 – Be inventive, think beyond British – BLT, bagel, croque monsieur make great cutlery free choices

Toast never makes trip from kitchen to bedside well. Pre butter & it’ll arrive soggy & soft. Leave them to do it themselves & crumbs everywhere, makes for an uncomfortable lie in. Which option ever you choose it’s likely to be cold and disappointing, never good thing in the boudoir. – Rule 5 Always buy great bread, a slice of soft freshly baked loaf, or chewy tart sour dough trumps cold toast.

So rather than face the trials & tribulations of breakfast pleasure giving why not leave it to the experts?

p.s. And for those of you lucky breakfast recipients please remember eating naked only looks good in the movies.

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